My life is empty. It's pointless. My dearest and closest friends are from Twitter. I have many real life acquaintances, but very few real friends. And even those few friends I have, I don't let close. There is only one person who I will let hug me for more than 4 seconds, and that's only because he once forced me to, broke down that barrier, and made me cry.
My Twitter friends are so dear, but they are only online. I feel safe behind that barrier, and can allow them to get close, because if they hurt me I can simply unfollow, or even block them and it's like they never existed. I can pretend that they never touched me.
I want so badly to be held right now. I wish there was somebody here that could just wrap me in his arms and make me feel protected. I ache for this. Even worse than that ache is the pain in the knowledge that I will never allow myself to be so vulnerable as to ask that of someone, or even allow them to 'protect' me if they wanted to. That is a weakness that I can't bare.
Even now, as I am putting my fears and emotional issues out here for all to see, I still feel safe. Because, as you know, you're simply an online persona who I don’t actually know, and you don't know me, and you can't hurt me, can you?
Persnippity Snippets
- Nessa Louise
- Seattle, WA, United States
- Caught in a whirlpool of situations, where each escape just means more pain.
You have described a mini-me... don't allow others to diminish the value of on-line 'friends'. For those of us who can't be physically close to others so easily, it is a hugely important way to slowly build rapport, trust and intimacy. When we get it wrong, we can learn from our mistakes with far less damage than might otherwise be the case.
ReplyDeleteIt does get better - very slowly and with a lot of help and understanding - but it does. I promise.
Hey, hope you are ok. Just because we are only online friends it doesn't mean we are not real nor that we don't care for you. *Big hugs* xx
ReplyDeleteLisa x