The story of Bed Boy

Bed boy and I started talking online, mid October. He was funny and charming, but I had no desire to take it any farther than just an online friendship.

After 2 months of talking online daily and a few phone calls, I finally gave in.  I invited him over for a movie.

I'd seen pictures of him, but I wasn't really prepared for what I saw. A scruffy, somewhat overweight man about 5'10". A man with a heart-stopping smile, warm eyes and an infectious laugh.

I was instantly drawn to him, and made no resistance when, during the movie, he put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. Being with him felt completely natural. He would look over at me occasionally and my eyes would be so drawn to his that I couldn't look away, couldn't breath...

After several minutes of cuddling and several heated looks he reached over, placed a finger under my chin and slowly moved in to place his lips against mine.

This was truly the best first kiss I'd ever had. We were both so at ease with each other that there was no awkwardness. Our lips moved in sync, our breathing perfectly matched. I may have fell in love with him at that very moment.

Needless to say, we didn't finish the movie. After several minutes of kissing and cuddling we decided to turn the movie off and go to bed. Again there was no awkwardness as we undressed, slid under the blanket and moved together. Neither of us talked about how far we were going to go last night, but we didn't need to. Everything was easy and natural. We kissed, touched, cuddled and slept. In the morning I walked him to his car and he kissed me goodbye for several minutes.

Later that day he texted me saying how much he enjoyed being with me and wanted to go out on a proper date. I accepted and we made plans for 4 days later.

Each moment was an eternity. I couldn't wait to see him again. The following 3 days were spent waiting eagerly for every text from him, and begging father time to make each minute pass faster. On the third day I got a text from him saying that he had to work and couldn't make our date. I was crushed, but told him that it was okay, and just to let me know when he was free again. That text never came.

We continued to text, but slowly, fewer and fewer a week until by the end of January, we weren't speaking.

What happened? What went wrong? I was certain that he felt the same connection I'd felt...

I let him go. You can't force someone to care about you, and I have never wanted that kind of love.

Middle of March, after not hearing from him for 2 months, he texts me. We talk a bit, he seems like the same charming, funny I first started talking to. I let my guard down bit by bit and let him in again. He said he was sorry, I said that I'd missed him, he said that he truly liked me, and wanted to see me again, and many times after. I invited him over again, and when he showed up at my door with that smile the hurt of the last 3 months completely melted away.

This time we didn't even try to watch a movie. We cuddled on the couch, touching, kissing, then, again, moved to the bed. There was so much passion and tenderness. We didn't have to say anything, everything was so natural. After making love we continued to cuddle until we fell asleep, he left in the morning saying we would set up a date for the next week.

He texted me throughout the day, saying sweet things, I may have fallen in love with him again that day.

That night he texts me. He says that he'd put 2 weeks notice in at his job. He was going to look for a new one, and if he didn't find one in 2 weeks, he'd move back home to Portland. I panicked. I couldn't lose him after I'd just gotten him back! I said comforting words, tried to be encouraging.

The next day I let him be, knowing that he was stressed out and he would text me when he had time.

Around 4pm I texted him to see how he was doing and got the following response: "Work let me go today. I've already moved back to Portland. Sorry."

How could I have been so dumb? How could I give my heart away so easily? He is the only man who has ever touched me so deeply. Even now, when I doubt that I ever loved my ex husband, or any of my former boyfriends, I think of him and know that that is the closest I've ever felt to being in love.

Every time I think of him it hurts. Even now, 5 months later. We only had 2 dates. How could someone carve themselves a place in my heart so quickly and stay there, unable to be washed away? He is the closest I've ever come to love at first sight, and possibly the closest I've ever come to really loving someone. I had to let him go and there is nothing I can do about it.