People: Amazingly terrible and terribly amazing

Today I realized how terrible people can make you feel and how amazing people can make you feel.

Started the day in pain. Headache, cramps and back aching so badly I could hardly get out of bed. Knowing I had to feed my kitty & let the dog out got me out of bed, and once I was up the prospect of coffee kept me out of bed.

Sat outside drinking coffee and smoking, enjoying the company of the animals. Still feeling awful, but the ibuprofen started kicking in about the time my neighbor invited me over to play with her puppy.

Getting my nose bitten and ears licked by the cutest little yorkie ever perked up my mood and got me feeling human again.

My neighbor had a friend over, and we started talking. For some reason she just had this amazing quality that made me feel comfortable and protected. I found myself opening up to her about my recent hospitalization and depression. She told me some of the things she'd been through, and her ways of coping, and somehow from her, they didn't seem preachy, or condescending... It was such a pleasure to talk to her that I found some motivation and actually did some housework and gardening.

By the time my housemate got home I was feeling cheerful and goofy.

Tonight I started talking to a friend. A sweet man who makes me feel special, wanted, smart and cute. For some reason, his attitude was different tonight... I realized that what I feel for him is more than he could ever feel for me. I realized that I can never expect anything from him other than what he's giving me right now: a friend to talk to. That is enough for me, though I wish I meant more to him.

The worst part is that when I realized that we could only be friends my mood plummeted. I went from goofy-cheerful to hopeless and resigned to more loneliness.

Mood: 3

Listening:  Brian McKnight- Do I Ever Cross Your Mind