Gardening Therapy

Since getting out of the hospital and moving into a friend's house, I've had a project.

He wants me to turn his weedy overgrown garden into an Eden! Okay, not quite, I think even HE knows I have limits. He said that if I did all the weeding and planting it would cover rent. Seems fair enough for a safe and comfortable place for my kitty and I.

It's been a LOT more work than I anticipated. I didn't realize until we had a somewhat intense discussion that he had ulterior motives. He understands that a large part of my depression comes from a lack of goals and ambition. I have no desires, goals or aspirations in life and have spent the last 3 years simply existing. Working to pay bills with no view past the end of the month. Not accomplishing anything besides putting a roof over my head and food in my belly.

 
He wants me to produce something. Something that I can be proud of and call my own. I have free reign. It was very daunting at first, and to be honest, still is.

Up until today I've just been weeding. One plot, then the next and so on. Not excited, no plans, just to dig up more weeds. It wasn't until this morning that I finally got excited about it. I woke up thinking PUMPKINS!!

I did some research and found some pumpkin varieties that would be ready bu Halloween and also be a good enough size for jack-o-lanterns. Further research proved that those seeds are almost impossible to find. Okay, so no pumpkins for me this year. That doesn't mean I can't find other things to plant.

For the first time I'm actually looking to the future. Sure it's just a garden, but it's a goal. A goal that I can, will, and want to accomplish.

 

Mood: 7
Listening to: Lady Antebellum- I Was Here