Ready to love again

I've recently had a dawning. It's a biggy! Here it is: I deserve to treat myself with respect.

For many people, that's not so hard. For me? It's been years. Possibly decades since I've really believed that I deserve to get what I actually want and need instead of settling.

This post is centered around love. I have settled for so much. I married a man that I didn't truly love because I thought it was what I should have done. I have had sex with men that I didn't really care about, who only wanted sex FROM me. While that was fun, I now know that I deserve better. I owe myself more.

I'm ready to love now. I'm ready to be loved. I ready to demand caring. I'm no longer afraid of losing a guy because I want him to care about ALL of me. Before, I would give him what ever he wanted, usually just sex, because I thought that if I didn't, he wouldn't like me anymore. The truth is, I didn't like myself enough to know that all he wanted was sex, and I wouldn't get anything more than that from him. I couldn't say no.

I don't believe that anymore. I want affection. I want cuddling. I want conversation. I want love. I am ready for that. I am ready to accept that from a man who really does care about me.

I may not know that man right now, and I may not find him for years, but I'm ready to wait. I won't give in to anything less just for a moment of comfort. The man who can love me the way I deserve to be loved is out there and until I find him, I'm happy to wait. I don't need more temporary. I deserve permanent.

I won't settle. I don't need to. I can love myself enough until the right guy comes along. I refuse to give in.